This Valentine's Day, choose the right partner

I don't know how men choose their partners — mine was a genius, though. But I am able to tell you, as a woman, how to choose the person to spend your life with. For this Valentine's Day, choose the right partner. Looks fade, money runs out, but chemistry and being an ally can get you through anything. Fair warning: this article is mostly, if not only, about the professional side of a relationship.

Women (and some men) fought for me, and you, to have a fair chance in the professional world. To have a chance to be whoever I wanted to be. Up to March-ish 2018, my life plan did not include a man. I was content with what I wanted in life, and I was content achieving it alone.

My studies, my career, my side projects — they were all built around me and my wishes. And then one day this blue-eyed guy crossed paths with me, and I was like: maybe I do want a guy in my life? We've been married for 5 years now, and I literally uprooted my life to build ours together in the Middle East.

Love is beautiful. It’s passion. It’s pouring yourself into something new, someone new. My husband knows what I've sacrificed to be here with him, and since day one, he has shown me he has my back in this process. My first year looking for a job was frustrating, and while trying to understand the Israeli job market, he stood by me emotionally and financially until I found my first job.

I've quit two jobs without having something lined up because I knew he had my back - and I would do it again if needed. We spoke about it, and he said: you do you, I support you 100%. These were jobs that were draining me mentally and emotionally. I’m a hard-working woman, so he knew that if I wanted to quit, it was because I had reached my limits.

This year, he reached his limit, and I, being in a much more stable professional stage than when we started our marriage, told him: you do you, I support you 100%, because this is a partnership.

This Valentine’s, choose someone who chooses you back.

I never took his last name, probably never will, and he is okay with it. I am working very hard to put my very Latino lineage on the map. To make my ancestors proud. He's happy to see me build my name and legacy. I never considered motherhood until I met him. I do want to be a mom, and he has been patient enough to build with me a parenthood plan that will honor both of our ideas and experiences as parents and working people.

He's the one running the finances in the family, and I don't mean he manages my money, but he makes sure that as a family we're hitting our goals and also enjoying together — and by ourselves — the product of our hard work. Have you discussed with your partner how you see finances in the short, mid, and long term? If not, do it now. If yes, are you happy with the resolution? I am!

This Valentine’s, choose wisely.

I get to be a very independent, self-sufficient woman who goes out into the world to fight for a place in the job market, but I’m also a woman who has come home crying because work life sometimes is too much, and I just want to be a kept woman for a minute. And he loves both versions.

I’m proud of the partner I chose to spend the rest of my life with. A partner who will pick me up, with no judgment, when I can’t juggle life anymore. And a partner for whom I'd drop everything and hold the fort whenever it’s needed.

The right partner will hold you when you're down and won’t mind taking a back seat while you go out there to fight dragons and build your career. He won't be intimidated if you make more money or hold a better title. He'll proudly tell the world you're kicking ass.

You do not need to make yourself small to make your partner bigger. The right relationship allows both of you to exist in your greatness. We've fought too hard to lower the bar — there’s no reason to give up.

This Valentine's Day, choose the right partner